I don't go out in public dressed; my shopping takes place in guy mode. I have pierced ears with small hoops and I wear my hair on the longish side compared to most guys (not long enough for a pony tail), but I'm clearly presenting in guy mode. I'm not trying to fool anyone, I'm just shopping for the next clearance bargain that I didn't know I needed. So clearly, I'm a guy shopping for women's clothes.
I rarely shop at the mall as I'm concerned with bumping into someone from my guy life, but some stores are only at the mall - namely Torrid. I prefer stores that have limited visibility inside or to the outside of the store. Burlington is a tough store as they are a big box store with all low fixtures means that someone over in the Mens or Children's departments could glance over and see me shopping for dresses or intimates. That high degree of visibility is a concern of mine so I don't shop at stores like this all that often and certainly not close to home.
I used to consider myself the queen of returns. I'd quickly shop, get out of Dodge, try on the clothes at home and return what didn't fit. It's a pain returning items but my budget for this wardrobe is small. Making returns was my first big exposure to having to have a conversation about the women's clothes. "Is there anything wrong with it?" "Did she not like it?" are the common questions. I'm sure in the early days I was a deer in the headlights guy who was outing myself as a crossdresser just fumbling for an answer. These days there are two routes that I take - humor or honesty.
The humor response is something along the lines of "You know, I can never get the sizes right for her" or "I guess my tastes sure missed the mark". These are me trying to deflect away from the possibility that the clothes were intended for me. I use this at bigger stores where I just don't want any attention - stores like Target, Walmart. I do not expect to build much good will at such stores. One thing to note, I never actually say it was not for me.
TIP - Naturalizer Outlets do not stock much in size 12 - they only had three pair the day I was there.
The other response is honesty. I take this route at smaller stores where I do anticipate shopping at again and where I'm likely to encounter the same sales people. A recent pair of shoes I bought at the Naturalizer outlet needed to go back. During the shopping process I kept up the guise that I was shopping for someone else. When I went to return the shoes, the same sales lady was working, when she asked "Oh she didn't like them?" my response was "They didn't fit quite right, and actually they were for me." The sales lady didn't skip a beat or change her demeanor - our conversation continued as normal as could be. She told me what days shipments arrive and the fact that there is free shipping if you order online and have it shipped to the store. The great thing is that her acceptance (or lack of negative reaction) set me more at ease for shopping more at her store in the future. Next time I shop there I'm likely to just try on the shoes.
Ah yes, trying things on. I'm doing this more and more. A few years ago, a sales woman at Torrid offered me a dressing room. I was shocked and said no thank you. After 15 more minutes of shopping I returned to her and said, "I changed my mind and would like to take you up on your offer for a dressing room." "Great, follow me" was her response. That changed a few things for me: 1) I am now a HUGE fan of Torrid, 2) if the store vibe feels right for me, I'm just going to try things on.
The biggest thing for me with this is to be respectful of the other shoppers and the store employees. I will only ask for a dressing room if the situation feels right. I'm not out to shock others or push their boundaries of acceptance. Someone recently told me "I love to see the look on their faces when they see me buying panties" - that is the opposite of what I'm talking about!! I only want to foster good will for me and the next CD/TG who comes into the store.
I'd like to learn from you! Where do you shop? What works well for you? Where have you been accepted? What stores do you avoid?
