Changing perspectives and 2017 in review (Long blog)

A number of years ago a good friend of mine asked me if I get nervous when I go shopping for women's clothes.  My answer was, "yes of course!"  She(he) suggested to me that when I feel those nerves that I should not be worried about being nervous and instead that I should think about the racing heart and increased breathing as a sign that I'm excited to be out there shopping for something I love.  This advice has served me well and changed my perspective on shopping for cute clothes.

Fast forward to 2017 and this changing of perspective notion has struck me again.

Feb 28, 2017

Before I get to my new perspective I want to reflect on how negatively crossdressing is viewed in society.  I really hate that it is.  I've been part of conversations where crossdressing comes up and the default position by pretty much everyone is that its wrong and that people who do it are really messed up.  At this point I usually tune the conversation out as they are making assumptions and conclusions about something they know nothing about nor do they care to want to learn about how other people might be viewing themselves in perspective of the world and their expression of who they are.  Sadly, I go silent at times like this.  I sure don't offer up how much I adore feeling pretty.  At least not yet.

2017 has been a really amazing year with regard to my dressing.  It started off early in the year with me wanting to be more intentional of taking advantage of my time windows to dress.  I work from home and there are times that I have the house alone for an hour or two.  I used to squander that time doing non-productive things or just being too busy at work to step away to slip into something more comfortable.  Looking back at previous years, I realized I hardly dressed even though I had ample opportunities - but in 2017 I'm going to do better!  So with each slice of time available to me, if I could dress, I would.

The Shoventory begins

Shoventory pic on Flickr
I got to wondering how many pair of shoes do I really have?  What styles and colors am I missing?  I don't want to buy more of the same thing that I already have.  And the Shoventory project was born.  The plan was to photograph myself wearing every pair of shoes that I own.  By the end of February I had a good solid dent into my collection and by the third week of March I had it done.  It turns out that I have 39 pair of shoes and boots.  What the h@#$#?  For someone who wears women's clothes maybe two hours a week, why in the world do I need 39 pair of shoes?  Never question a woman about her shoe collection.  My entire wardrobe lives in six totes and two boxes yet I have that many shoes?  Houston, I have a problem.  By mid April I got over the shock of my collection and purchased pair #40.

What do you do after you finish a photo inventory of your shoes?  I then wanted to catalog all my clothes too.  Throughout the rest of 2017, with each dressing opportunity I tried to pull out something I had not take a photographed recently to get a fresh perspective on it.  In late May I bought a selfie stick to aid in self-photography.  Man do I feel like a dork now.  By the end of 2017 I've pretty much taken pics of everything.

Also in May, my wife said that she wanted to get back to going to weight watchers.  Besides wanting to be healthier myself, with all this dressing time, I wanted to fit better into my clothes.  I supported her decision and planned to follow along despite not going to meetings myself.  I was at my WW lifetime goal back in 2006 but have been lazy in the past seven years or so.  At the end of May I weighed 236.5 - my highest ever I believe.  We have rocked with our healthy eating habits.

BOOM - here is another changed perspective this year - when I titled this blog post I wasn't thinking about this one at all but it certainly fits in.  I'm sure you've heard of the whole "don't call it a diet, call it live it" or something like that, right?  For me, it's more complex than that.  To say eating healthy can still give many people a negative connotation.  I like to consider it this way, you know you can't eat pizza and burgers daily and be healthy unless you are a workoutaholic!  Everything in moderation...  With WW, you basically get so many points to each per week with a certain range per day.  Pizza is high in points, a smartly constructed salad can be low in points and yet be fully satisfying.  The perspective change here is that you kind of have a baseline eating mode - eat healthy and smart most of the time and have a couple of splurges in the week.  Enjoy the splurges while maintaining or loosing weight depending on your needs.  It's not a diet.  It's just life.  When I get to my goal weight, the only thing I'll change is that I can increase my points to maintain that weight, otherwise the same thing holds true: a few splurges but otherwise be sensible.  As I write this in the middle of December I'm down 35 pounds.  My wife is down 55 pound and I'm so proud of her.  And she is looking fabulous (and feels it too!).

The more I dressed this year, the bigger my smile has gotten in my pics.  I'm not talking a big cheesy grin, but rather a happy and content person in their element.  The more I dressed this year, the more I experimented with poses and locations to capture me better.  The more I dressed this year, the better my eye for putting outfits together has become.  Earlier I'd just about put anything together just to dress; there is a pic of me wearing super casual a tank top with a black dress skirt.  I'd like a do over for that one.

12/13/2017

The more I dressed this year, the more I realized that I'm just dressing, I'm not crossdressing.  I'm dressing how I like and what feels right for me to wear.  Have you noticed how many dressers are not smiling in their pictures?  Many of them look almost pained in their pics.  I know not everyone smiles naturally, but dressing makes me so happy I cannot help but smile.  I truly feel bad for gurls out there who look miserable in their pictures - I hope they are not as glum as their face appears.

I like my whole life - both sides, if you will.  I have a full life of family and community which I enjoy.  I often wish I could continue to enjoy my life while wearing what I love to wear, but I know that society is not accepting of that.  I'm not in a position to want to make a permanent public gender change.  I hate the crossdressing label for the baggage people attach to it.  The other perspective change I made in 2017 is that I do not consider myself crossdressing when I put on a dress.  If anything, I consider presenting as a male to be when I'm crossdressing as at my core, my desire is to present as a female.  For what it's worth, I smile a whole lot in guy mode too - I'm not miserable as a guy.

 I hope your 2017 was a happy and healthy one.  And I wish you a fabulous 2018!!!

12/19/2017

It's about time! (intro)

My name is Tanya and I recently turned 50.  I've been crossdressing my whole life, off and on.  I've often wanted to write down the meaning stories of my life and with the urging of a recent friend, here is the birth of my blog. 

Unless otherwise indicated, these are true tales of my life.  I'll tell you right now that I'll change certain details (names, cities) in the off chance that someone with direct knowledge of my life were to stumble upon this, but the meat of the story is my story from my perspective.  I'll be truthful in my telling of the stories as I recall it.  There will be details lost to the mists of time which is sad, but hey I'm on the downhill side now.